Startups fail for a lot of reasons: bad product, wrong timing. But sometimes, it's just you.

Relationship problems between co-founders are among the biggest reasons companies don't make it. Increasingly in Silicon Valley, business partners are looking for help before things go downhill — they're signing up for couples counseling.

"It felt like a marriage," Jon Chintanaroad says of his business partnership with his friend, Mike Prestano. They launched a tech recruiting startup, Aspire Recruiting, in 2013.

"My joke was, during the day, Mike was my wife No. 1, and my girlfriend was my wife No. 2," Chintanaroad says. "I would see her at night, and I see him all day."

The two were friends for four years before they went into business together. Chintanaroad says their work styles really complemented one another.

"I'm very transactional-based," Chintanaroad says. "I'm kind of a Type-A personality — I just want to get it done, whereas Mike will listen to their whole life story and really cultivate that relationship. When we had both, we started to win over new clients and things went from there."

The business took off right away, and the money came rolling in. But a year into it, they hit some rough patches. They missed some key customer acquisitions. Revenues dipped.

That's when their differences became less complementary and more problematic.

"It's like any sports team," Prestano says. "If you lose: 'You should have scored this touchdown.' 'You should have scored that basket.' 'You should have passed to here instead of there.' Those aren't easy conversations."

They started fighting a lot. Mike thought Jon spent too much money. Jon thought Mike wasn't pulling his weight.

Prestano says they worried the business problems were starting to threaten their friendship.

"I think we both agree ... no matter what happens with the business," Prestano says, "if we keep doing it, or it stops, we still keep our friendship."

They decided to try couples counseling — though most therapists who work with co-founders call it "partnership coaching."

It's something more and more startup founders are doing. Jonathan Horowitz is a psychologist with offices in San Francisco and San Mateo. He says the number of requests he gets for co-founder counseling has doubled in the last year. A lot of times, people call when things have already gotten really ugly.

"The company's dead, something went horribly wrong in the relationship, and they're picking up the pieces afterwards," Horowitz says.

Many startups, especially in the tech industry, are founded by young guys — friends who met in college, got an apartment together and started working on their laptops around-the-clock to get a business off the ground. When things go well, co-founders can suddenly find themselves in complicated business situations with a lot of money — and power — on the line. They have to decide who's going to be CEO. They have to answer to investors. These pressures test the relationship.

Most of the time, it's usually lawyers who get called in to mediate heated disputes or to force one of the founders out of the company. Or to help the partners declare bankruptcy, if the business failed.

"It's good to do this work while it's actually unfolding in the organizations," Horowitz says, "and set these things right before they go horribly wrong."

He says in a lot of business partnerships, there's often one founder who is more dominant, even domineering. "You have the other founder who might not feel like they're being heard or respected. An imbalance like that can be insidious."

In cases like that, good ideas get dismissed; opportunities are lost. Horowitz says his job is to help build trust, communication and empathy.

"All those things are important if you're going to run a business with someone for years and years," he says, "just like [in] a marriage."

It's not just startups that have picked up on the idea. Couples counselors say larger companies like Cisco and Google have hired them to work with managers who aren't getting along. Stanford Business School offers a group therapy course, where required reading includes The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The students call it the "touchy-feely" class.

For Jon Chintanaroad and Mike Prestano, a few sessions with a therapist made them both feel like they had permission to talk about their feelings.

"I think, overall, it resulted in both of us being more aware as people, and balanced," Chintanaroad says.

Chintanaroad worked on listening more. Prestano learned when to speak up if something was bothering him.

"Those things that were bottling up, I talked to Jon about it, expressed how I feel, and he took no offense," Prestano says. "And, actually, he's shown some compassion."

Their tech recruiting business is back on track — and that leaves more energy for social recruiting. After a couple drinks on Friday, Chintanaroad asks Prestano to help him scout for a new girlfriend.

"He can be my wingman," Chintanaroad says.

The sales psychology they use at the office, Prestano says, works just as well at the bar.

Copyright 2015 KQED Public Media. To see more, visit http://www.kqed.org.

Transcript

ROBERT SIEGEL, HOST:

Relationship problems between aspiring entrepreneurs are among the biggest reasons that startups fail. And increasingly in Silicon Valley, co-founders of companies are looking for help before things go downhill. From member station KQED, April Dembosky tells us about the rise of co-workers in therapy.

APRIL DEMBOSKY, BYLINE: When Jon Chintanaroad partnered-up with his friend Mike Prestano to launch a tech recruiting business, they never thought they would need a prenup.

JON CHINTANAROAD: It felt like a marriage. My joke was that like, during the daytime Mike was like, my you know, wife number one and my girlfriend was like, wife number two.

DEMBOSKY: Jon is single now, so Mike is his first choice for going out on Friday night. I met them at a bar in San Francisco for happy hour. The two were friends for four years before they went into business together. Jon says their work styles really complemented one another.

CHINTANAROAD: I'm very transactional-based. I'm kind of a type-A personality, I just want to get it done, whereas Mike will listen to their whole life story and cultivate that relationship.

DEMBOSKY: Once they joined forces, the business took off and the money came rolling in. But a year into it, they hit some rough patches. Revenues dipped. Mike says that's when their differences became less complementary and more problematic.

MIKE PRESTANO: It's like any sports team. If you lose - well, you should've scored this touchdown, you should've scored that basket, you should've passed it here instead of there.

DEMBOSKY: They started fighting a lot. Mike thought Jon spent too much money. Jon thought Mike wasn't pulling his weight.

PRESTANO: I think we both agreed upon no matter what happens with the business, if we keep doing it or if it stops, that we still keep our friendship.

DEMBOSKY: They decided to try couples counseling. It's something more and more startup founders are doing. San Francisco psychologist Jonathan Horowitz says requests for co-founder counseling have doubled in the last year. People often call when things have already gotten really ugly, but Horowitz prefers to be summoned before the bankruptcy lawyers.

JONATHAN HOROWITZ: It's good to be able to do this work with people while it's actually unfolding in the organizations and set these things right before they go horribly wrong.

DEMBOSKY: He says in a lot of business partnerships, there's often one founder who is more dominant.

HOROWITZ: And you have the other founder, who might not feel like they're being heard or respected. An imbalance like that can be insidious.

DEMBOSKY: Good ideas get dismissed. Opportunities are lost. Horowitz says his job is to help build trust, communication, empathy.

HOROWITZ: All those things are important if you're going to run a business with someone for years and years, just like a marriage.

DEMBOSKY: It's not just startups that have picked up on the idea. Couples counselors say larger companies, like Cisco and Google, have hired them to work with managers who aren't getting along. Stanford Business School offers a group therapy course where required reading includes "The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work." For Jon Chintanaroad and Mike Prestano, a few sessions with a therapist made them both feel like they had permission to talk about their feelings.

CHINTANAROAD: I think overall it kind of actually resulted in both of us being more aware as people, and balanced.

DEMBOSKY: Jon says they worked on having him listen more. Mike says he learned when to be more assertive.

PRESTANO: Those things that were bottling up, I talked about them to Jon, expressed how I feel. He took no offense to it and actually he's shown some like, some compassion.

DEMBOSKY: Their tech recruiting business is back on track. And that leaves more energy for social recruiting. On Friday, Jon asked Mike to help him scout for a new girlfriend.

CHINTANAROAD: He can be my wingman.

DEMBOSKY: Mike says the sale psychology they use at the office works just as well at the bar. For NPR News, I'm April Dembosky in San Francisco. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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