Malady Melody

Malady Melody

11:22am Apr 09, 2015

Sick of certain songs? This game features songs about being sick — we've rewritten their lyrics to be about the common illness in their titles. You give me fever!

Heard in Sketchfest 2015: Alex Borstein, Brad Bird and Dan Savage

Copyright 2015 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

For a game called Malady Melodies, let's welcome our next two contestants, Liz Flynn and Simone Chavoor.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Liz, Simone, what song are you sick of right now? Or even, it doesn't have to be right now, like a contemporary, it could be a song in the past that you just hope you would never ever have to hear again. Liz?

LIZ FLYNN: I'd have to go with almost any song from the musical "Oklahoma."

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: What happened? What happened?

FLYNN: It's my mother's favorite musical, and I grew up listening to it a lot and my mom singing along and just listening to it on car trips and...

EISENBERG: You hate your mom is what you're trying to say.

(LAUGHTER)

FLYNN: Well, just "Oklahoma."

EISENBERG: Just "Oklahoma," OK.

Someone is very upset in the back of the balcony.

FLYNN: I'm sorry.

EISENBERG: It's fine. I think that is a very good answer.

FLYNN: Thank you.

EISENBERG: Simone?

SIMONE CHAVOOR: Well, anyone who knows me knows that my musical tastes were cast in cement in the 90s, like the 80s and 90s kind of gothy industrial - love some angst.

EISENBERG: Sure.

CHAVOOR: But I had a friend in high school who was obsessed with The Cure.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

CHAVOOR: She was Robert Smith for Halloween once. So any time like "Lovesong" comes on the radio, I just turn it as fast as I can. It's too much.

EISENBERG: Yep.

CHAVOOR: Too much eyeliner.

EISENBERG: Yep, I could have been that friend, just so you know.

(LAUGHTER)

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: Obviously we get sick of certain songs eventually. This game is songs about getting sick. So I'm going to play some songs whose titles contain a minor medical ailment.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: But the lyrics have been changed to literally describe each ailment, which is how these songs should've been written to begin with.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: Your job is to ring in and identify the original song title. Here we go.

(Singing) You'll never know how much hate school, going to say my forehead's hot. When I claim it's an infection, you think a temp is what I got - a faker.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Simone.

CHAVOOR: (Singing) You give me fever.

COULTON: Fever is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: (Singing) I saw those leaves of three, didn't let them be. Then my skin turned red, and now the rash is starting to spread.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Liz.

FLYNN: "Poison Ivy?"

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

WILL HINES, BYLINE: You answered that with the never heard of the song, but I listened to what the words said tone of voice.

FLYNN: Yep.

COULTON: Sometimes that's a better strategy.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Here we go.

(Singing) Feeling kind of dizzy, senses start to wane, non-matching images sent to my brain, I've done some heavy drinking much to my chagrin. Am I talking to you or is that your twin? I'm so drunk, I got...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Liz.

FLYNN: A hangover?

COULTON: No.

(LAUGHTER)

FLYNN: Up until that last line I thought I had it.

COULTON: No, no, that's a good guess. Simone?

EISENBERG: That's totally logical.

CHAVOOR: (Singing) With that double vision.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Liz, I love you. You're just like, I'm telling you what this song is.

(LAUGHTER)

CHAVOOR: She's diagnosing the songs.

EISENBERG: I heard the lyrics.

COULTON: (Laughter). They're all different strategies. They're all valid, whatever gets you there. I couldn't reach my back at the beach, now it's badly burned. I am a man who just doesn't tan. I will never learn. SPF 1, I got a...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Liz.

FLYNN: (Singing) Blister in the sun.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: (Singing) Every time I scuba dive, I'm lucky to come up alive - pain in my joints and I'm staggering around. This will go away I guess when the gas is decompressed then I won't be feeling pressure. Man, I've got...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Liz.

FLYNN: "The bends?"

COULTON: "The bends."

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: (Singing) My friend who I penned and invited her spend her breaks at sea with me. She said I contend, but the cell phone photo trend is lame, so let's skip the selfie. We asked another friend to that end, would he lend a real camera for some indoor shots. But I didn't comprehend how the flash would offend because now I am seeing spots.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Liz.

FLYNN: "Blinded By The Light?"

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Thanks for not leaving me hanging, Liz. I appreciate it.

FLYNN: You're welcome.

COULTON: This is your last clue.

(Singing) Things are spinning around. I think my inner ears are quite unsound. If I get up, I'm going to need a hand or lose my balance and I find it hard to stand, also I'm nauseous. Oh, no, oh, no, I got a case of...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHAVOOR: "Vertigo."

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: How did our contests do, Will?

HINES: Another very close one, but our winner was Liz.

(APPLAUSE)

HINES: So, Liz, you'll come back for our final round at the end of the show. Thank you very much.

(SOUNDBITE OF SALT-N-PEPA SONG, "LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX")

EISENBERG: Coming up, we'll talk to the Dear Abby of doing it - sex columnist Dan Savage, so stay tuned. This is ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX")

SALT-N-PEPA: (Singing) Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let's talk about sex. Let's talk about sex. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

Support your
public radio station