Limericks

Limericks

12:56pm Dec 06, 2014

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on the website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And be sure to check out this week's How To Do Everything. Mike and Ian will tell you how to punch someone in the face or at least make it sound like you punched someone in the face. And here's a question for the fans of How To Do Everything, guess who they punched in the face. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

ALEX DAVIS: Hi, this is Alex Davis from Boston, Massachusetts.

SAGAL: Hey, Boston, my other favorite place.

DAVIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: And what do you do there?

DAVIS: I'm actually a professional dancer and a choreographer.

SAGAL: Really. Wow. That's tough work, though. Is it hard to find work as a professional dancer?

DAVIS: You do what you do, you know. Next week, I'm dancing at a holiday party at the Four Seasons. You do stuff like that to...

FAITH SALIE: Are you an elf?

(LAUGHTER)

DAVIS: No. I'm wearing a tuxedo.

SALIE: Oh, OK.

SAGAL: Maybe you could be a formal elf. Well, welcome to the show, Alex. Bill Kurtis is now going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Ready to play?

DAVIS: I am very ready to play.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Some phones fall and land with a splat. But Soft Paw tech takes care of that. A flexible spine helps my iPhone be fine. It lands extra soft, like a...

DAVIS: A cat.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A cat, yes. You know, cats always land on their feet no matter how hard you throw them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apple's next phone may do the same. They filed a patent for a phone that uses accelerometers, GPS, gyroscopes and dark Apple magic so when you drop the phone, it will turn it sort of breakable side up before it hits the floor. Unfortunately, this amazing technology is useless until they also figure out how to make a phone that can swim in a toilet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: As air bubbles fill my back pocket, my flight crew won't flee from the cockpit for science had mercy and I waft some Hershey's. This pill makes my farts smell like...

DAVIS: Chocolate.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DAVIS: I read that.

SAGAL: Did you really?

KURTIS: You did?

DAVIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: A French inventor has developed a pill that makes your passed gas smell like chocolate or so he says. According to the website, the pill allows you to, quote, "fart through the new year in grand style."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It uses a special blend of cacao, phenyl, seaweed and plant resin, which sounds like you would smell less like a chocolate cake and more like a dead vegan.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Little rodents are trained to think twice when humans help out through a splice. Some cells from mankind are expanding their mind. We've put human brain cells in...

DAVIS: Mice.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Mice it is.

DAVIS: Ew.

SAGAL: In order to better understand intelligence, the University of Rochester, their scientists there have implanted human brain cells into mice. Amazingly, it made them smarter. They did this by putting the hybrid mice and regular mice in a maze and watching to see which one used bigger words to explain why they couldn't figure it out.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, I'm not used to this kind of maze actually. You know, normally, where I grew up, we're running mazes, you know, that mainly went to the left. This is a right-handed maze. You can't expect me to do this.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: I mean, your right-handed maze is not for nothing. It's not really my style.

SAGAL: Yeah. I don't feel comfortable here.

FELBER: I'm going to make a suggestion. Just drop the cheese where I am.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: How about that? How about that four eyes? Drop some cheese.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alex do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Alex was amazing.

SAGAL: You were.

KURTIS: Three and oh championship.

SAGAL: Well done, Alex. Thank you so much.

DAVIS: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: And good luck with the holiday party.

DAVIS: Thanks.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG "WINDMILL IN OLD AMSTERDAM")

RONNIE HILTON: (Singing) I saw a mouse. Where? There on the stair. Where on the stair? Right there. A little mouse with clogs on. Well, I declare, going clip, clippity clop on the stair. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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