We'll Always Be Royals

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

For a game we call "We'll Always Be Royals," please welcome contestants Marty Casella and Noah Allen.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: I feel very close to both of you for different reasons. Noah, you work in retail - the retail marketing industry.

NOAH ALLEN: Correct.

EISENBERG: I grew up in a grocery store business. I have learned that you've patented a product that as someone who grew up in a grocery store would have changed my life.

ALLEN: My company has. It is a pusher system that pushes product to the front. So on the shelves, all of the product is always front-facing and your shelves are nice and organized.

EISENBERG: Yes, that was my first job as a child. I wouldn't have had to do that.

ALLEN: It would've cut your work time in half.

EISENBERG: Marty. Listeners, you do not know this but people in the room can look at Marty's face and realize you've seen this face before. You've seen him pull the flesh off of his face in the movie "Poltergeist." I'm serious.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: That was so scary.

MARTY CASELLA: Well, actually Mr. Spielberg himself did the actual pulling because the dummy cost 40 or $50,000, and I just said I'm not doing that because that was before CGI...

EISENBERG: Right...

CASELLA: ...And you got one take.

EISENBERG: Right.

CASELLA: So he did that. Those are his hands pulling the skin off my face, so that was pretty cool.

EISENBERG: So you guys get a music game. Jonathan, what hit song are we going to mess with this episode?

JONATHAN COULTON: Well, as it turns out, the most popular Lord of the 21st century is a teenage girl from New Zealand. And she spells her name LORDE. We have taken her hit song "Royals" and rewritten it to be about famous royalty, both real and fictional. So just ring in when you know which royal I am singing about. Here we go. (Singing) A diamond necklace tarnished me. I was played by Kirsten Dunst in the movies. And I'm not proud I had to flee. In a torn up France I said let them eat cake.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Marty.

CASELLA: Marie Antoinette.

COULTON: That's correct.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: (Singing) I played a song with a secret chord. It was called "Hallelujah." I was king of both Israel and Judah in my youth. Slew a giant Philistine and everybody says Michelangelo thinks I'm a cool dude because he conquered with a slingshot fully in the nude. I don't care; me and Bathsheba had a love affair.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Noah.

ALLEN: King David.

COULTON: King David is right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Everyone always talks about the slingshot...

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: ...And that statue. I'm always like oh that slingshot...

COULTON: It's a beautiful slingshot.

EISENBERG: Yeah, it's nice.

COULTON: (Singing) I thought we'd never be royals, now my hand is soaked in Duncan's blood. I told my husband to grow a spine and now this crown and throne are mine. I'm going to be your ruler. I'm the Queen, but I've got OCD. Baby, I'll rule, I'll rule in this Scottish fantasy.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Marty.

CASELLA: Lady Macbeth.

COULTON: Lady Macbeth, you got it.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: I like that updated idea that Lady Macbeth had OCD.

COULTON: OCD - they didn't know what to call it at the time.

EISENBERG: Right exactly. She never got sick. And the doors were always locked in the castle.

COULTON: (Singing) My friends and I sitting around. I met the Lady of the Lake thanks to Merlin. And everyone who knows me knows that I pulled a sword out from a boulder.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Marty.

CASELLA: King Arthur.

COULTON: You got it.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: All right, this is your last clue. (Singing) And I wasn't born royal. But in school I met a guy who is. Then in Westminster we got hitched. Now I'm the Duchess of Cambridge. And it's even cooler, you can call me Queen-to-be. And someday I'll rule, I'll rule a constitutional monarchy.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Noah.

ALLEN: Kate Middleton.

COULTON: Kate Middleton, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That was taken from her actual inner monologue.

COULTON: That's right. That's what she's thinking.

EISENBERG: Puzzle guru Mary Tobler, how did our contestants do?

MARY TOBLER: They did wonderfully. Congratulations Marty, you're our winner. And you're moving on to our final round.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.