Limericks

Limericks

11:47am Aug 15, 2015

Copyright 2015 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you would like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And you can check out our sister podcast, How To Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian take a break from their normal programming and do not make me eat anything gross, unless they're short on material, in which case, they probably will.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

EMILY MIRANKER: Hi, Peter. This is Emily calling from New York, New York.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in New York, New York? Are they good, good?

MIRANKER: They are muggy.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah, summer in the city. Aren't you smart enough to get out?

MIRANKER: Unfortunately not.

SAGAL: Really? I thought all you people had your country homes.

MIRANKER: Oh, I'm sorry about that, but we lent it out to the Afters.

SAGAL: Did you now?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to our show, Emily. You, of course, are going to do the Listener Limerick Challenge. That means Bill Kurtis, his favorite part of show, is going to perform for you three news-related limericks. He is not going to finish them. That's up to you. Do that two times out of three, you'll win our prize. Ready to go?

MIRANKER: Yes.

SAGAL: All right, here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: These freeze-dried meals often upset us, so let's see what some space soil will get us. In orbit, we're pallid, so let's have some salad. We've grown our own red romaine...

MIRANKER: Lettuce.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Good news, astronauts. NASA has some new food for the space station. Bad news, it is salad.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The first crops from a special space greenhouse were ready to eat this week, some red lettuce grown in space, first time ever. You'd think that with all that advanced technology, though, NASA could develop a space froyo machine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or maybe my favorite, an omelet station.

CHARLIE PIERCE: Yeah, it's all funny until that lettuce comes back to Earth and starts eating things.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You think so?

PIERCE: Absolutely. It's - it's - it's the revenge of the salad.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Sobriety is so rarely sung over. My mouth's a dump I run my tongue over. But my liver's not shrunk because I never get drunk. I wear makeup to help me look...

MIRANKER: Hung over?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Hung over it is.

SAGAL: According to fashionistas and that drunk lady at the end of the bar, hangover chic is the hot look this fall. Did you know this?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Women are using makeup to make their eyes look puffy, their noses look red, and instead of going to the gym, they start their day with a brisk walk of shame.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: That's supposed to be attractive now?

SAGAL: Yeah, apparently, that's the thing. Where it's...

POUNDSTONE: Geez, I'm so out of time.

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: I'm really not much of a jock, but I'll strap on this band as I walk. If I have a slow lap, I'll get hit with a zap. My fitness band gives me a...

MIRANKER: Shock.

SAGAL: Yes, a shock.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Three out of 3.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Anyone looking for a little extra motivation to get in shape, throw away your personal trainer and by a Pavlok. It's like a Fitbit that hates you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is all true. This Pavlok thing monitors your daily exercise habits and punishes you for skipping or taking shortcuts. First thing, you don't wake up in the morning, go to the gym, it buzzes, wakes you up, won't turn off. Let's say you skip your workout. Pavlok shocks you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But this is all true. Let's say you get used to it. You're like, all right, fine, I can deal with the shock. It's over, OK. It will shame you. It can post to your Facebook page...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And say, Chad skipped his workout today.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: People are going to buy this thing.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, this is a masochist's delight.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Why - I mean, you - it's - I don't know which is easier, buying this thing or just getting married.

(BOOING)

SAGAL: Sorry. Sorry.

ROY BLOUNT JR.: They'll know which is cheaper.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. Bill, how did Emily do?

KURTIS: Emily was perfect from New York City. Thank you, Emily.

SAGAL: Well done, Emily. Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Three and 0.

SAGAL: Emily, thank you so much for playing.

MIRANKER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you, Emily. Great to talk to you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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