Limericks

Limericks

11:48am Sep 06, 2014

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania on October 16. Tickets for that show go on sale Monday morning, so line up outside the venue dressed as your favorite WAIT WAIT cast member.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

ANA DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Hi, this is Ana Devlin Gauthier.

SAGAL: Whoa, Ana, say that again?

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: I know, it's long. Ana Devlin Gauthier.

SAGAL: Wow, you sound so aristocratic.

FAITH SALIE: Is there a hyphen in the middle of that, Ana?

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: No, no. Just a space.

SALIE: Oh, wow.

MIKE BIRBIGLIA: Mom and dad couldn't afford a hyphen.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And where are you calling from, Ana?

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: I am calling from Alfred, New York, but I'm originally from New Salem, Massachusetts.

SAGAL: I've been to old Salem, I didn't know there was a New Salem.

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Yeah, New Salem's where all the witches went after they got kicked out of old Salem.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really?

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: No.

BIRBIGLIA: You think they would have chosen a more original name.

(LAUGHTER)

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: I know, seriously.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Ana. We're glad you're here. And Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to go?

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Let's do it.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: In movies where dudes take a beating, concession stand trips keep repeating. I keep going back to fill up on snacks, in action films I can't stop...

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Oh, my gosh. What? Can you say that again?

SAGAL: I think he can.

KURTIS: In movies where dudes take a beating, concession stand trips keep repeating.

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Oh, OK.

KURTIS: I keep going back to fill up on snacks, in action films I can't stop...

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Eating.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right, eating. Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Researchers put people in front of TVs with candy and showed them two different shows - a Michael Bay movie and an episode of "Charlie Rose." They found that people watching the action movie ate much more. "Charlie Rose" viewers ate less because it's hard to swallow when you're asleep.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In fact...

BIRBIGLIA: But did they really do it against like a "Charlie Rose" thing?

SAGAL: Yeah, they really did.

BIRBIGLIA: Why didn't they try other genres of movies? I mean, do I have to think of everything out there, scientists?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: On my buttermilk pies there's a bust, as my blue ribbon prize turns to dust. They think that this batch was not made from scratch. They found that I used store-bought?

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Can you do it one more time?

KURTIS: (Laughter) Here we go. On my buttermilk pies there's a bust, as my blue ribbon prize turns to dust. They think that this batch was not made from scratch. They found that I used store-bought?

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Crust.

SAGAL: Crust. Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A scandal at the Kentucky State Fair - pie champion Linda Horton has admitted using a Pillsbury store-bought crust for her first place buttermilk pie. Officials are considering stripping her of her blue ribbon. And her disappointed fans are throwing away their yellow Piestrong bracelets.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: There are a lot of beauty queens who have store-bought parts.

ADAM FELBER: Ingredients.

SAGAL: That's true.

BIRBIGLIA: Are we all suspicious a little that it's Pillsbury doing this?

SAGAL: She admitted it.

BIRBIGLIA: Oh, she admitted that side of it. Bit don't you think that she was probably paid off by Pillsbury?

SAGAL: By Pillsbury?

BIRBIGLIA: Yeah, yeah. We're talking about it now on the radio.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: You're a deeply suspicious man.

SAGAL: You think she's in the pocket of big pie?

BIRBIGLIA: I don't think it's - it's conceivable. I just don't think it's that hard to make a pie if what you do is make pies.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last Limerick.

KURTIS: We seniors take college by storm. The old ones with Medicare forms. We'll hang with the young and take classes for fun, with rest homes inside every...

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Dorm?

SAGAL: Right. Dorm.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Look at you, Ana.

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A British panel of health experts has come up with a plan to prevent malaise at nursing homes. They want to put nursing homes in the middle of college campuses. You think about it, it makes sense. Senior citizens can take classes on the campus, they can attend lectures and yell at young people to get off all lawns all day long.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's the perfect way to give seniors a new lease on life and ensure, of course, that one night stands in college are even more regrettable than they are now.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Imagine how awesome it'll be to see old folk crossing the campus at dawn with their walkers of shame.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: The daughter of shame.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Ana doing on our quiz?

KURTIS: Ana bewitched us with three straight.

SAGAL: Well done, Donna. Congratulations. Thanks so much for playing.

(APPLAUSE)

DEVLIN GAUTHIER: Thank you. Have a good one.

SAGAL: You too.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CAMPUS")

VAMPIRE WEEKEND: (Singing) See you, you're walking 'cross the campus. Cruel professor studying romances. How am I supposed to pretend I never want to see you again? Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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