Limericks

Limericks

3:36pm Nov 18, 2014

Copyright 2015 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's "Lightning Fill In The Blank." But first, it's the game where you have to listen for that rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact link on our website, which is waitwait.npr.org. While you're there, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and our upcoming showing in New Jersey on the 4 of December. And be sure to check out our sister podcast "How To Do Everything." This week, Mike and Ian show you, finally, how to sweat the right way. You've been doing it wrong.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT DON'T TELL ME.

SUSAN WILLIAMS: Hello?

SAGAL: Hello?

WILLIAMS: Hello.

SAGAL: Hello.

WILLIAMS: Hello.

SAGAL: Hello.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, hi. Who's this?

WILLIAMS: I'm Susan Williams.

SAGAL: Hey Susan. Where are you calling from?

WILLIAMS: Shelter Island, New York.

SAGAL: Shelter Island, New York. I have no idea where that is. Where is that?

WILLIAMS: Well, Long Island splits into two forks, and we're on the East end of Long Island, between the North and the South fork.

SAGAL: Oh really? So you're out there. Why do you live in a small island between the two parts of eastern Long Island?

WILLIAMS: That is a good question. And if you have an answer, I'd like to know.

SAGAL: No. Well, Susan, welcome to our show. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you now. He's going to interpret three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play?

WILLIAMS: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here we go. Here's...

WILLIAMS: As ready as I'll ever be.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: The olfactory guide that we sell, tells how York casts a lingering spell. From the fragrance of grass, to the whiff of burnt gas. Come tour our fine city by...

WILLIAMS: The dell.

(LAUGHTERS)

SAGAL: Well, there are some clues there. The word fragrance was a clue, rhymes with spell.

WILLIAMS: Hell.

SAGAL: Hell. It's - smell is the answer.

WILLIAMS: Oh OK.

SAGAL: The tourist board in York, a city northern England, knows that our sense of smell is our strongest sense. So they've created the Smell York guide. It's kind of scratch-and-sniff guide to the town's most fragrant sites - the chocolatiers, the gardens and something described quite seriously as the haunting aroma of ghosts.

WILLIAMS: Oh darn it.

SAGAL: Which we believe is just the English way of blaming the dog.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, you still have two chances. You've had one to practice, doesn't count here. If you get these two, you'll win. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: As I'm trying to make out this sum, my mind's going blissfully numb. Without any pain, a germ saps my brain. A virus is making me...

WILLIAMS: Dumb.

SAGAL: Yes, dumb.

KURTIS: Dumb. She got it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Researchers say a virus found in green algae is making us all dumber. They've known about the virus for years, but this is true - they assumed it wasn't transmissible to humans. Well, not only is it, 40 out of the 90 people studied in the study had the virus. When asked about this shocking finding, one doctor said huh, did you see that picture of Kim Kardashian's Butt?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick. If you get this you'll win fuel. Here we go.

KURTIS: R&D should've used some more vetoes. This drink's pesky, like swarms of mosquitoes. I just took a few sips and I taste flavored chips. Mountain Dew has been crossed with...

WILLIAMS: Could you read it again?

SAGAL: Yes he can.

KURTIS: I can. R&D should have used some more vetoes. This drink's pesky, like swarms of mosquitoes. I just took a few sips and I taste flavored chips. Mountain Dew has been crossed with...

WILLIAMS: Doritos.

SAGAL: Yes, Doritos.

KURTIS: Doritos.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: If you've ever wished you could get that morning after a kegger taste in your mouth without having to drink too much, now you can. Pepsi has created Dewitos, a Frankenstein-like combination of Mountain Dew and Doritos, now being tested on college campuses. One student who tried it said "it's like you shoved a handful of Doritos in your mouth and chugged some Mountain Dew at the same time," unquote. What remains unexplained is why in God's name would anybody ever want to do that?

ALONZO BODDEN: Here's my question - have the stoners really gotten that lazy?

SAGAL: Apparently.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I mean, at a certain point, you just got a pickup your Doritos and your Mountain Dew. You've got two hands.

SAGAL: I know. Well, one hand is holding the bowl, the other hand grabs the Doritos. Then you're like, wait a minute. And then you put down the Doritos and you pick up the Mountain Dew and you're like, wait a minute. And then you...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So this makes it...

BODDEN: You know, it's like the peanut butter and jelly together in one jar. Again, when you're that lazy, it's like no. Like, that's - how hard is that for you to mix the peanut butter and jelly? You're like, I really can't. I'm like...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: ...I'm going to need that pre-mixed.

SAGAL: Who's got the time?

BODDEN: Exactly.

SAGAL: Yeah. Bill, how did Susan do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Two out of three.

SAGAL: Hey, well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Susan.

WILLIAMS: Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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