Limericks

Limericks

11:55am Feb 28, 2015

Copyright 2015 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. You can also find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, our March 12 show in New Orleans and Boston, we are coming to you on our just-added show on April 16. Be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast as well. This week, the episode you need to hear before you make out with someone. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

DAWN GIER: Hey, this is Dawn Gier.

SAGAL: Hey, Dawn Gier. How are you?

GIER: I'm calling from Jacksonville, Fla., and I'm doing great.

SAGAL: That's great to hear. I normally make fun of Florida. But I am so jealous and envious of you right now.

GIER: (Laufter). Yeah.

SAGAL: Would you do me a favor? Would you just tell me something that's miserable about your life there in Florida right now?

(LAUGHTER)

GIER: Gosh, I had to turn my heated seats on in my car today.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Dawn, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

GIER: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: As the VP leans in, my eyes widen. What could we have to confide in? And now he gets bolder. He's rubbing my shoulders. Hey, don't get so handsy Joe...

GIER: Biden.

SAGAL: Yes, Joe Biden.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Over the years, Joe Biden has been photographed dozens of times getting handsy with other people's wives, daughters, sisters and one unhappy time with that statue of Lady Justice. Last week, while new Defense Secretary Ash Carter was getting sworn in, Biden put both his hands on Mr. Carter's wife, Stephanie, on her shoulders, leaned in close and rubbed her shoulders and whispered something into her ear.

ADAM FELBER: I know what he whispered.

SAGAL: Judging by her expression, it must've been something like my tastes are very singular.

(LAUGHTER)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, BYLINE: What if he gives amazing shoulder massages and it's a thing? Like what if people are like, can't wait to see Biden 'cause I'm going to get one of those five-second massages.

SAGAL: It's true.

FELBER: I've been so stressed this week. I need a Biden.

EISENBERG: I need a Biden.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick, Dawn.

KURTIS: With liberal Talmudic thought, I'll treat this glaucoma I've got. This true kosher Kush is my new burning bush. A rabbi is blessing my...

GIER: Pot.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Pot.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The head of New York State's Orthodox Union's kosher certification agency is considering endorsing the concept of kosher marijuana. The union says kosher pot would be restricted to medical use. Recreational use would remain banned among Orthodox Jews along with working on the Sabbath, visible ankles and Miracle Whip on rye.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is great, but there's no greater torture than having the munchies and cottonmouth and there's nothing but a box of matzoh.

(LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: Whoa, whoa, whoa. But it's still weed, though, right?

SAGAL: Oh, yeah.

BABYLON: All right, yeah, let's do it.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here, Dawn, is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Eating chocolate will not make me thin, but it gives me a glow from within. It's great on the tongue, and it makes me look young 'cause it's helping to smooth out my...

GIER: Skin.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Cambridge University scientists, bless them, have developed the world's first antiaging chocolate bar. It's packed with antioxidants and nutrients to, we are told, visibly reduce the signs of aging. Trials were so successful, they say, that a woman in her 60s ended up with the skin of a woman in her 20s. Until then, only 60-year-old serial killers could pull that off.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And by pull that off, I mean off.

EISENBERG: And then put it on.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Dawn do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Dawn did great. Three and oh.

SAGAL: Well done, Dawn. Thank you so much.

(APPLAUSE)

GIER: Yay. Fantastic.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "22")

TAYLOR SWIFT: (Singing) I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22. Everything will be all right if you keep me next to you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

Support your
public radio station