Limericks

Limericks

11:32am Apr 18, 2015

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd have to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to high-five someone without getting all their gross hand germs all over you. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

JOSH FORSE: Hi, this is Josh Forse from Shakope, Minn.

SAGAL: Shakope. I have been to Shakope, Minn.

FORSE: Wow.

SAGAL: I know. It's a lovely town. You're right near - let me think. There's an amusement park not far from you.

FORSE: There is. Valley Fair, one of my favorites.

SAGAL: What do you do there in Shakope?

FORSE: Well, there's a horse track so we, you know, go for the horses every once in a while. There's the amusement park and a casino.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It is just never-ending fun in Shakope.

(LAUGHTER)

FORSE: It is.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Josh. Bill Kurtis is going read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner just like at the track. Ready to go?

(LAUGHTER)

FORSE: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Our exorcist wasn't a scam hire. This church budget's right. I'm no damn liar. Edward and Bella were more than real, fella. Beware of the hot, sexy...

FORSE: Vampire.

SAGAL: Yes, vampire.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Professor Giuseppe Ferrari, he is the Vatican's exorcism advisor. He recently warned the pope of a grave new threat to the church - sexy vampires. Quote, "They turn people into vampires and make them drink blood or encourage them to have sexual relations to obtain special powers," unquote. It's amazing. Pope Francis has made so many changes at the Vatican. First, he shifts the church's focus to the poor and needy. And now he has made the Vatican part of team Jacob.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: You got to wonder how the Pope tells that guy, like, you know, does he go you're a little crazy?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Every office has kind of a nutty guy, and that's the guy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: In Finland, I'm top head of state. Though I travel much, I watch my weight. After each meet and greet, I strap wheels to my feet. Then I go to the park and I...

FORSE: Skate.

SAGAL: Yes. Skate.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Skate it is.

SAGAL: You thought a president maybe sleeping with his intern or fighting unnecessary wars or spying on civilians was bad, well, we're lucky. Finland's President Sauli Niinisto was recently photographed rollerblading around a park. In fact, he rollerblades everywhere and has been seen doing it in several countries around the world. That is only OK if you are president of 1994.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: When we ride all night, we don't get slumber back. And we earn less than those who show plumbers crack. Since the papes went away, there's more hope every day. We're more out of date than a...

FORSE: Is it lumberjack?

SAGAL: It is lumberjack.

KURTIS: You are right.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: I thought nobody would get that.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Oh, ye have little faith. A new report ranking the 200 worst jobs says that the second worst job you can have is lumberjack. It's dangerous. It's low-paid. The first worst job is a newspaper reporter. Yes, journalists, your prospects for happiness will be better if every day you risked falling 100 feet to the ground and then having your chainsaw land on you.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: I've been a lumberjack. I've not been a newspaper reporter.

FAITH SALIE: How was it, lumberjacking?

BODETT: Well, it sucked. I can't really quite imagine newspaper work being any worse than that.

SAGAL: Well, we have this image of lumberjack being manly, sexy work in the outdoors.

BODETT: Oh, it is, it is. It is, but totally.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Why does it suck?

BODETT: Well, you know, like, the camaraderie that builds on a combat platoon? It's like that only if your buddies would think it was funny if you got shot.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: It's really more the coworkers than the work itself.

JOBRANI: So you're trying to drop trees on each other?

BODETT: Oh, that would be hilarious.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Josh do on our quiz?

KURTIS: I am so impressed with Josh. He's a limerick king - three and oh.

SAGAL: Very well done, Josh. Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

FORSE: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LUMBERJACK")

JOHNNY CASH: (Singing) Well, you work in the woods from morning till night. You laugh and sing, and you cuss and fight. On Saturday night, you go to Eugene. And on a Sunday morning, your pockets are clean. Well, you tell me something, Mr. lumberjack, is it one... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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