Lightning Fill In The Blank

Lightning Fill In The Blank

12:24pm Sep 13, 2014

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now it's time move on to our final game, Lightning Fill-In-The-Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Brian has two. Roxanne has two. Moshe has four.

SAGAL: What? Oh, my God.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: The first time.

SAGAL: OK. We have flipped a coin. Brian has elected to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank - according to new U.N. report, for the first time in 30 years, the Earth's blank is showing signs of recovery.

BRIAN BABYLON: Atmosphere.

SAGAL: It's the ozone layer.

BABYLON: That's the atmosphere, bro.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, what do you think?

KURTIS: I'll accept that.

SAGAL: You're going to take that? (Bell ringing) On Wednesday, the passwords for over five million blank accounts were leaked online.

BABYLON: iCloud?

SAGAL: No, Gmail in this case. A burglar in Massachusetts was caught by police after he broke into a house and blanked.

BABYLON: Cooked omelets.

SAGAL: No, corn on the cob. According to the Anchorage police, the blank family was involved in turning a party into a drunken brawl.

BABYLON: Palin?

SAGAL: Yes, the Palin family.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to reports, McDonald's has filed an application to trademark the term blank.

BABYLON: McDonald's.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They got that. No, they've trademarked the term McBrunch.

BABYLON: McBrunch.

SAGAL: After police chased a South Carolina man all the way to his house, he evaded them by blanking.

BABYLON: Evaded them by - I don't know, disappearing?

SAGAL: He evaded them by touching his house and yelling, you can't arrest me, I'm on base.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The man who ran into his house via the sidewalk - 'cause everything else was lava - invoked base, which is a daring move, considering the guy who was it had a Taser. The police are standing by to arrest him just as soon as he leaves the base, as he is wanted for several driving violations and eight counts of breaking the law of no tag backs.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: That's hilarious.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Brian Babylon do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Brian got three right for six more points. He now has eight points and he has the lead.

SAGAL: Well done. All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Let's move on. Roxanne, you're up next. Fill in the blank. Thousands gathered in lower Manhattan on Thursday to mark the 13th anniversary of the blank attacks.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Of the September 11 attacks.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Home Depot confirmed Monday that its payment database had been blanked.

ROBERTS: Hacked.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Cattle and citizens held mass demonstrations on Thursday demanding blank.

ROBERTS: Independence.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A British woman whose boyfriend was going on vacation to Ibiza made him a blank for his trip.

ROBERTS: A little chastity belt thingy?

SAGAL: Close, a T-shirt that says I hate all the girls in Ibiza, so stay away from me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Richard Kiel, best known for playing the henchman known as blank in some "James Bond" movies passed away at 74.

ROBERTS: Oh, the guy with the grill.

SAGAL: Which his name was?

ROBERTS: He wasn't Lurch, it was something like it. It was - it was - oh, Jaws?

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The prestigious London School of Economics is blaming a technical glitch after an email to all its new students began dear blank.

ROBERTS: Dear morons.

SAGAL: Dear Mr. Panda Tiger Test Test AAAAAHHHHH Kung-Fu.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The email, which was sent out to 200 new students, congratulated Mr. Panda Tiger Test Test AAAAAHHHHH Kung-Fu on his admission to LSE and wish him luck on the coming school year. School officials assured students that the email was caused by a technical glitch, but those claims were undermined by a section letter informing Mr. Panda that Thursday was all-you-can-eat bamboo night at the cafeteria.

ROBERTS: Peter, Peter, I want - I want to thank you for actually asking me questions that had nothing to do with the news.

SAGAL: News is too depressing. We decided to go with this stuff.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Roxanne do in our quiz?

KURTIS: Roxanne got four right, for eight more points. She has 10 points now and Roxanne, you have the lead.

SAGAL: There you are.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So how many questions right - how many points does Moshe need to walk in here and take it away?

KURTIS: Well, Moshe needs three to tie, four to win.

SAGAL: Oh, this sounds pretty easy, Moshe. This is for the game, here we go. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, John Kerry met with American allies in Saudi Arabia to rally support against blank.

MOSHE KASHER: ISIS.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The GOP announced that if they take control of the Senate in November, they'll make repealing blank a main priority.

KASHER: The health - Obamacare.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Apple has confirmed that users will have to blank their new Apple watches every night.

KASHER: Charge?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Two police officers in India have been suspended after they arrested blank on charges of coercion and intimidation ahead of a local election.

KASHER: After they arrested blank?

SAGAL: Yes.

KASHER: Them?

SAGAL: No...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...After they arrested a 10-month-old baby. Governor Jan Brewer declared a state of emergency in blank after record rain led to flooding.

KASHER: Arizona.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Tennis player Marin Cilic claimed his first grand slam title with his win at the blank.

KASHER: Denny's.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: U.S. Open. A man in Tennessee was arrested for possession after he accidentally blanked.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

KASHER: Drove drunk.

SAGAL: No, after he butt-dialed 9-1-1 and talked about visiting his drug dealer.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The man was eating lunch, he was talking about his drug dealer when his butt went rogue and called the police. Police came and arrested him. He was allowed one phone call. But unfortunately, his butt used it to prank call a pizza place.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, I think he did. Did Moshe do well enough to win?

KURTIS: He did pretty good. He got four right, eight more points. He has 12 points and Moshe is the champion of this week.

SAGAL: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done, Moshe. The rookie. You came, you saw, you kicked some butt. I admire that. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists what the U.K. will do finally to keep Scotland from leaving. But first, let me tell you that support comes from NPR stations and Angie's List, offering consumer reviews for more than 19 years and providing online shopping and scheduling for local services - angieslist.com. Esurance, with an app that lets users manage their car insurance policies, update payment info and handle claims at esurance.com and Source America, researching and developing customized employment options for people with significant disabilities - SourceAmerica.org. WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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