Copyright 2015 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

AUDIE CORNISH, HOST:

You're listening to ALL THINGS CONSIDERED from NPR News.

Can we keep evolving as we get older? That's a question comedian and commentator Kevin Heffernan decided to explore. And his approach to changing himself was an aromatic one.

KEVIN HEFFERNAN, BYLINE: Cologne, it's a life choice. Some say it's hereditary. If your dad did it, you will. Like what sports team you root for or circumcision. Some say it's cultural. Some say it's a necessity.

I've never been a cologne guy, but for some reason, it's always intrigued me. What am I missing? Don't I want to smell distinctive? Don't I want people to know I've entered the room before they see me? I decided to dive in, but that raised the next question: Where do I start?

Cologne is a whole new subculture. It was like all of a sudden I was going to be a wine guy or a gun guy - two other things I know nothing about. So I turned to a cologne-wearing friend, and he simply asked me: Well, what do you want to smell like?

And I thought, whoa, what an interesting proposition: The ability to pick a new smell for myself, to reinvent my current smell. Do I want to smell tangy with a hint of citrus? Do I want to smell woody? How about melon and apple with a sandalwood base, or maybe just cut grass? Or do I align myself with one of those celebrity scents?

I'm a Yankees fan. Do I go with Derek Jeter's Driven, or Unforgivable by P. Diddy, or Blue Seduction by Antonio Banderas? Finally, I leapt. I won't say which scent I chose because I'm not here to endorse. But let's just say I smelled like cool winter air mixed with amber and a hint of grapefruit. So I wore it out on the town, feeling self-conscious like when you go out for the first time with your brand-new perm. And immediately, someone asked: Kevin, are you wearing cologne?

And I froze. And I said: I'd rather not say. And then the person said: Well, I can smell it. And then I thought, maybe I don't want to be cologne guy. Maybe I don't want people to smell me approaching. Maybe I don't want my steering wheel to continue to smell like me after I've left the car. Maybe I should scrap this. So I did. Not long after, my wife brought it up. She said: Hey, I thought you were going to start wearing that cologne? I said: Yeah, well, I don't know if it was for me.

And she said: I liked it. And I said: What, you didn't like the way I smelled before? And she said: No, no. I just thought it was kind of sexy and new and sexy. And immediately, I thought, well, maybe next I could try something more in the lavender or the birch leaf family, until winter, of course, and then I'll switch to something woodier with a touch of tonka bean. Maybe I'm a cologne guy after all.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

CORNISH: Commentator Kevin Heffernan. In addition to being cologne guy, he's a comedian guy and actor guy. His live standup special "Fat Man Little Boy" recently premiered on Netflix. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

300x250 Ad

300x250 Ad

Support quality journalism, like the story above, with your gift right now.

Donate